Team Have Beer's Race Report
By: Pierre Oosthuizen

Be warmed this is a very long race report and those that have difficulty reading the subtitles when watching 7de laan , go to summary .

The Red Ants rumble was not on my list of races that I will be doing but somehow I got myself into the "Have beers " team . Preparations began two weeks before the race with some paddle training . At this stage we discovered that none of us could stay upright in a K2 much to the amusement of Mandy . Mandy was one of our second for the race and also training co-coordinator . The paddling training did wonders for our swimming abilities . We had to work another session in before the race and Wednesday before the weekend of the race we put in another 3 hours . We managed to stay in the boat for about 400 meters at a time and decided that would be good enough .

Anyway we left Pretoria at 15:00 on Friday and not 12:00 as planned but made it to registration with 10 minutes to spare . There was a lot of familiar face at the briefing and while Wessel did the plotting with the help of Mandy , the rest of us checked out the opposition . We immediately decided there was none and needed to get to our cooler box ASAP to continue our carbo-loading . But there was of cause the prologue that needed to be completed first .

We did the running leg first and managed to catch the team in front of us just before I was about to faint . Luckily Wessel decided to stay behind them giving me time breathe again . We crossed the wall without any problems and I think this was our best leg . The push-cart looked tike it was gonna be a lot of fun (ok it was) , but those things where not built to go through the veld . Without any power steering on these things , steering was a real challenge . And don't think pushing then was easy either . But we completed this leg feeling confident to kick some butt at the obstacle course . But the balance beam was our downfall and we lost some time trying to cross this thing . One of the competitors two team in front of us , slipped on the beam , fell on his crown jewels , toppled over to hang upside-down and still continued to complete it without a sound . At the paintball section the true Wessel came out as he grabbed the gun and almost wiped out part of the indigenous forest as he sprayed the area with his bullet . Rambo hang your head in shame , Wessel hit 2 targets with less than 100 bullets .

After all the fun we had at the prologue we prepared for the next day and got into bed just after 12 . At 02:15 we got up again and did our final few things . I don't know what the top teams do before the start of a race like this , but we posed for photos , I had a last smoke and then we started looking for our map . At the start line they told us that we would start in 13th position which also turned out to be our lucky number !!! At the start the camera man cornered us and asked Wessel some funny question about why we do it etc . But I am not gonna tell you what was said , just incase they decide to broadcast it .

Just after 03:00 we got on our way and sprinter until nobody could see us and then settled into an easy stroll . Wessel having done his homework the previous evening discovered a shorter route to CP1 . We landed up in front of 3 other teams and spirits where high . The rest of the hiking was fairly uneventful with one team catching and passing us .

Our seconds was waiting patiently for us at the next transition area and after sharing our first 6km with them we carried our boats to the dam . This little portage section was really very funny with Jacques disappearing into the deep with just the Wessel hanging onto the K2 while he struggles to get out of the hole . We eventually made it into the water giggling like a bunch of nuns looking at the statue of David . Very carefully we got into our boats and followed (tried to) the team in front of us . They very soon disappeared into the mist . Although the paddling went very slowly we stayed in the boats and made it to the second CP without any incidents . From here we rowed to the opposite side of the dam looking for a portage section that may safe us a few kilometers of paddling . In the mist it was difficult to find the exact location where we had to exit the dam but did find it on our second "beaching" . If we gained any ground we will never know but it sure was not easy carrying these boats over the little hill . So after paddling zigzag over the dam for about 12km we eventually saw our seconds . As me and Werner started discussing our chances of winning the Duzi next year with our newly acquired rowing skill our boat fell over about 5 meters from the exit point . We where just too happy it did not happen in the middle of the dam . We entered another transition area and continued to prepare for the cycle leg . Let me quickly explain how our transitions worked . We usually hanged around there areas until one of the following happens : 1. We see a team leaving . (lets chase them) 2. Or we see a team coming in (lets get away from them) If neither of these two events occurred we liked to just stay in the transition area and make small talk .

Changing from rowing to cycling was really an easy transition and I was happy to be back on something that I know and understood . We saw a nasty fall on this section but later got the news that the faller was ok . Again the route was very nice and we had great fun going up and down the hills . I have to admit we went up and down some of the hills more than once . Unfortunately Jacques tried to match Werner going down a very steep and technical hill . He came of after hitting something and lost a lot of skin on his legs , elbow and knees . The poor fellow was in a lot of pain but did not say a word except "Lets GO " . The second time we came racing down this hill me and Werner stood at the bottom waiting for our team mates when I decided to feel how hot my rotors are . Fortunately my gloves were still wet as a lot of steam came of them when I touched the rotor . Rumor has it another member of another team also did the same think without his cloves on !! I really hope he is ok now . A few teams struggled to find the exit to the tar road in this section . If any teams did hear the wolf while peddling in circles , don't worry we found it and the sigma said Werner should be ok .

We eventually came to the section we all looked very forward to , the Kloofing . At this point it became clear to us that the cameraman took a liking in us and we had another interview before heading into the kloof . I was very nervous as I am not a great swimmer or rock climber for that matter . Getting to the first jump I got pushed in front by Werner even before I could even say I rather do the abseil . I have learned over the years from doing many stupid and crazy things not to look or hesitate when you are going to do something you are not sure of doing . The marshal could see the fear in my eyes because he asked me a few times if I am sure about this . I wanted to say no I rather walk back and go and lie down but could not say anything . So I jumped . You will have to do it yourself to know what I am talking about . When are we going back to do it again ? Everybody in our team jumped and started to swim to the other side . Everybody except me . I got caught in a current that ran next to the rocks on the side . Wessel saw I was in trouble and quickly can over to take my backpack and help me get to the side . The next jump me and Wessel took the rope option while our other team members jumped it . It was one of those jumps where you had to jump a bit out . Failing to jump far enough it will become a splat instead of a splash . Werner jumped so far out he almost landed on the other side of the river !

Werner volunteered to climb the rope to get our passport stamped while the rest of us swam to the other side . We all agreed that the climb down the rope ladder was tricky and scary . At the bottom of the ladder we ran into Chris who happened to be the marshal at this point and he gave us our instructions for crossing the river and rock to the next obstacle . Here we also had an option to jump but we all decided to go down the rope . Werner and Wessel decided to do an abseil but not having my little thingy-majik with me I had to hang onto the rope and slide down the rock on my backside . Jacques also did an abseil behind me . To soon the fun was over and we had to exit the gorge back to our seconds . Again we got cornered by the cameraman but this time we had a lot more to say . At this point I think we where the last team to exit but placing at this stage was not important to us . We where still very positive about making all the cut-offs .

The second mountain bike leg was flat and fairly fast . At CP6 we had a bit of lunch (again) , filled our water supply up and setout onto the 21km hike . It was in the middle of the day and the first part of the hike did not offer much in the form of shade . Jacques started to really pull amps at this stage and his fall really slowed him down . We moved along very slowly and started to realize that we may not make CP8 before it gets dark . Then we ran out of water and Wessel started to panic . He had seen on Discovery channel how quickly people dehydrate and he is too young to die now , and his wife would miss him bla bla bla . I still had some water in my back pack but did not tell him as I found it very entertaining watching him suffer . We found water just in time and with a little bit of outside help .
Spirits picked up again after we cooled down in the stream and filled all available containers . CP7 found us and we where pleasantly surprised to find that we have to go into a cave to go and find the CP . Apparently some bloke did this whole thing in 7 minutes , but we had other plans . There are thing to see inside a cave and we wanted to see it . So we did not see to many things inside the cave but it was great fun . And for those who have ever wondered , Bat manure that not smell bad at all .

We headed for CP8 still hoping to make it before dark . This piece of the hike was really awesome . The scenery was breathtaking and we really spend some time here looking at the waterfalls , bottomless gorges and mountains cliffs that made Wessel wanna drop his kit and scale them with his 10m safety rope . I wanted to break out into a song "The hills are alive with the sound of music" when it downed on me that we had a cutoff to make . We got to CP8 just before 6pm and started the going down the mountain on "the only way " down the mountain route . Attempting this in the dark would just be plain suicide . Like Werner mention as we started the decent , the penalty for failure here would be very high . It got dark very quickly and about halfway down the mountain we had to get the lamps out . We skidded into the forest we could see from the top of one of the mountains and immediately found the path that would lead us to CP9 . The woods are really a very creepy place at night . We have never seen so many spiders , bugs , ants and other insects in one place before . They where running al over the place and all over us , but at that point we did not even bother waving them of . I think we just swallowed those that came to close to our faces . In this bush it is very difficult to obey the 50 meter proximity rule as you dare not look behind you while walking . And it so happened that Jacques , our injured team mate got separated from us . Sound does not travel well in these forests and when it travels it goes into the wrong direction , i.e. the people that hear it think you are where you are not . (Makes sense ?) But just as we thought we have lost him to some undiscovered cannibalistic tribe or the Blair Witch we saw his light and could direct him towards us . At this point I decided to rather sweep . And it was also while walking behind Jacques that I discovered while he walked so slowly at night . He walks at night like he walks during the day , looking at where he is walking to and not at what he is walking on . He stumbled over every possible rock and root on the trial . At one point he stepped of the trial and fell into the river . When I tried to pull him out I discovered he was stuck . When I tucked really hard he let out a scream of pain . How was I suppose to know he fell into a thorn bush !!! But we could not leave his there so despite his moaning and groaning I janked him out of the river and the bush in one go .

After walking in this forest for what seemed like an eternity we came to a river crossing . Wessel was not happy with the direction the river flowed in and we convinced ourselves that we are lost and nobody will ever see or find us again . The general atmosphere turned very negative and we decided to lie on the rock for a while just to think . After very little thinking we just simply crossed the river and continued on the path . We have lost the beacons in the forest and just kept on moving as we don't wanna sleep in this place . Just as we where about to cut our wrists with out toothbrushes we came across a lonely beacon on the path . Immediately thing picked up and we picked up the pace again .

Then Wessel saw it . People . Look over there !!!! I was standing a bit back and could see from where I was that if that was a person he was very high up in the tree . But no wait , Werner can see two persons standing on the edge of the river !!! Ooooh my goodness it is two chicks !!! Woman in the middle of the wood at 1am !! Is this possible . Wait Jacques also has a good look and yes he can confirm it is two women and it looks like one got a halo !!! They came to safe us !!! After 5 minutes of song and dance we realized that they disappeared like mist before the sun . Feeling very sad that they did not even offer us any food we continued down the track . Wessel saw it first , a red light flashing in a tree . CP9 at last . With our nerves shot and not having any food left we decided to have a little break while Wessel consults the map . I took the opportunity to find my sleeping bag and crawl into it . When the rest of the team turned around to find me they found me in my sleeping bag resting my eyes .

We continued our merry way but at about 2am we got very tired and decided to take another break . Out came the sleeping bag and I crashed in the middle of the road with everybody else following suite . About 20 minutes later I wake up and it looks like the police found us , there are a flashing light in the middle of the road ! Werner got scared that a marshal on hit quad bike will run us over and put out lights . So I fell asleep again just be awoken 10 minutes later by Jacques getting his space blanket out . Now I don't know how many of you have actually bothered to take these little foil things out of the cover and use them !! You may as well use a giant Simba crisp packet . He woke the whole forest with the noise he made from trying to crawl into this thing . Every time he moved it made a huge racket . But at least we got about 3 hours sleep .

Next morning we started our walk again . By now everybody started talking about pizza's and donuts and cold beers . After an hour into the hike we decided that a piece of dry bread with maybe Marmite would also be great , and water does not really taste that bad . Then we heard voices . This time it was for real , we made it back to CP10 . The team in front of us made it there during the night and slept there . They where about to leave as we entered . Our race box did not have much to offer in terms of food as we ate almost everything the previous day . But Nicky came to the rescue and made us nice rolls with Peanut butter and syrup . After stuffing my face with three of these and about 4 bananas I really felt like getting onto my bike to see how far I can get . Me and Jacques left before our other team members , but I lost him about 10 meters into the ride . He was really struggling to stay with us and his injuries really held him back . His pants got stuck to his leg where he had a roastie and not one of us was gonna pull of off , so he tried to race on like that . Luckily a sweep vehicle came past me and I asked the gentleman to pick Jacques up and take him back to our seconds .
Werner caught up with me about an hour later and informed me that Wessel also did not look too bright and may need assistance . We decided to cycle to the top where I will go down again and see if I can get him all the way up . Thankfully the medic came down the road followed by our seconds to come and rescue us . Me and Werner would have none of that and send them down to get Wessel . The two vehicles followed us all the way as we battled to the top of the mountain on our bikes . It was made a lot easier with the medic cheering us on and our seconds giving us water . Wessel just though it was nice to have an aircon !! For us making it to the top was a real achievement but even better was the downhill than followed . We flew down there and neck breaking speed and Werner almost did make a turn at the bottom . The medic that was now bust attending to Jacques wounds saw me coming down the road and was getting his "this okes gonna fall hard medikit " out . The cattle grid to the entrance was in a very bad shape and not something you want to cross on a bike at any speed . But I could see from a distance that it looked very dodgy and decided that I could not brake now and just had to jump it . Doing a bunny hop at that speed is really awesome . With little effort I cleared the gate and had a perfect landing on the other side .

Well this was the end of out adventure and although very tired and "gatvol" we all agreed that it was an awesome race . We unfortunately missed the price giving but had a nice picnic under the trees with our seconds . We would like to thank our Mandy and Kevin our seconds for their contribution to our race , Kevin and Tony for the boats , Flash for the trailer , the organizers for an awesome race , the marshal (they where great) and ouma for her boere beskuit . Also thank you to Nicky for feeding us and Medic for looking after us .

If for some reason a "were" became a "where" and I am therefore he was , then I am sorry for the inconvenience .

The End

Summary We enjoyed the race .